The Workplace
by ThrottaKaze
Summary: Sexual tension. PMSing women. Bad language and the lot. Welcome children, to the wonderful world of work.
1. Twatted Over Tea

"Urgh, you…"

"What?"

"You are _such_ an ass kisser. Do you realise that you're an ass kisser?"

Shizuru smiled slowly and impishly, "you should know the answer to that one."

Shizuru's assistant, Tachimori Setsuko, blushed brightly and murmured a few choice curse words at her employer's behaviour. Really, they had a conference in… what, five minutes? And the bitch was just not co-operating.

As if in to prove her point, the 'bitch' purposely undid a few buttons from her blouse, _right in front of her_ and had the gall to stick the tip of her tongue out. "Setsuko-san?" She _purred,_ "Do up my top button?"

Shizuru was also in a playful mood, goddammit. Not good.

The 5''4 woman let out an exasperated sigh and fixed Shizuru's collar and did up her top button, trying valiantly to ignore the saucy look on the Kyoto woman's face. It wasn't working. "Mou, Shizuru… you're not going to make a good impression at this rate…"

"Shizuru, now, hmm?" The fair haired woman smirked, "First names now ne, Sets-chan?" She subtly gripped the younger woman's hand as she attempted to withdraw.

Setsuko cursed herself for her careless behaviour. Bollocks and dammit. Shizuru would harp upon her mistake like a ravenous wolf. "Ehhh, hush. Ignore that. The _meeting_ Shizu – ah, crappers – _Fujino_-san, is in five." She still hadn't pulled her hand away… she couldn't help it. Shizuru has such wonderful hands. Co-incidentally, she was also damn good with her hands-

Setsuko twitched. Kill the train of thought. KILL IT.

Shizuru pouted, "I don't want to go to the meeting. Piece of shit-"

Her rather out of character cursing was cut off by a tentative, "Fujino-sama?"

Suddenly, Shizuru bolted upright and crazily fixed part of her blouse. "Good morning, Maaaa…sashi-san. What brings you to my office?"

Setsuko made an odd gurgling sound and did strangling motions with her free hand. _You need two hands for that to even look funny. Stupid Sets-chan. Where's her other hand?_ Shizuru glanced down. _Oh._

Masashi Takeda did a small start. Thankfully he missed the strangling actions, though. He coughed, "A-ano… Fujino-sama… I have come on my company's request for the arranged business meeting?"

As if remembering the man's existence, Shizuru blinked and laughed in a happy school girl manner. "Aha… yes, yes right. Would you mind me slipping out with my assistant for a short while? There are a few subjects that… require my… ah… _immediate _attention."

Takeda looked confused, as though she'd just grown another head, but when he saw several buttons undone on the woman's blouse, he gurgled and averted his eyes, nodding furiously.

Shizuru seemed to have no idea what the hell just transpired, or knew and simply didn't react, and was simply glad the little man had appeared to comply. She swayed a little, and tugged Setsuko towards her office. Shutting the door behind her and closing the blinds, she waved at Takeda with her fingers then took a moment to laugh for no apparent reason. Setsuko looked at her with an expression usually reserved for the very mad, which only made her laugh harder.

After a full five minutes of somewhat eerie laughter, Shizuru's giggles subsided, and she sauntered over to her office chair and sat herself rather unceremoniously on top of it.

The businesswoman put her elbows onto the desk and threaded her fingers together, resting her chin atop them. "Setssss-chan?"

A small, slightly exasperated voice said, "Yes?"

"…Do you think I'm pretty?"

Setsuko practically imploded. "W-what? Fujino-san… I really don't think you should be asking… Well… I mean, you're… Um, that is…" Shizuru wasn't just pretty. Shizuru was fucking _gorgeous_.

Her boss took her hesitation the wrong way, "I'm ugly aren't I, Sets-chan?!" She proceeded to throw a tantrum, "_Uuuuglyyy_! God… fucking… dammit! Every-single-time! Whaaa…. Why won't…" Shizuru's voice lowered itself to a mumble, then shot up again, "…leave me alone?!"

Setsuko started freaking out. "F-F-Fujino-san? Err, why don't, I mean - Ah, you just, I, what – no, that's not…" The poor thing was practically having a fit, "Ah-well-um-!" She cried, shutting her eyes and hunching up like she expected her boss to hit her or something.

Shizuru stopped immediately and leaned back against her chair like nothing ever happened. She still had her fingers threaded together, and she rested them on her belly. "Sets-chan…"

The woman in question opened one eye, "Y-yes?"

Shizuru leaned forward, "Would you like to know a secret…?"

_Your cup size?_ "O-okay…" Setsuko came closer obediently.

Shizuru smiled a slow, indulgent smile, and beckoned the girl ever closer with a finger.

Setsuko, although fearing for her safety, leaned in.

"I'm _drunk…_"

Setsuko's brain exploded. Metaphorically.

Her boss continued, "I spiked my own tea." She grinned, "You know how hard that is? Ara, the man… Haruka… oh, wait, woman?" She counted with her fingers for some bizarre reason, "Hm… man… with…" She made groping motions with her hands, "Ah, yes, that one." Shizuru nodded, as if pleased she'd just found out the meaning of life.

"Would you like to know why I spiked my own tea, Sets-chan?" Shizuru smiled sweetly, "Well… it's because… Natsuki… doesn't…" She frowned, "I… I tried to… do something… with her… she's more concerned with mm…" Shizuru squinted, spotting her secretary slowly inching her way towards the door.

"Ara, you don't… want to get… _fired_, do you, Sets-chan?" The Kyoto woman practically moaned the words out, each one laced with bittersweet honey.

The blushing 20 year old winced and turned, ever, _ever_ so slowly, to face her boss. This was madness. Her former kaichou-sama had totally gone off the deep end over… Natsuki, was it? She had no idea. Sapphire eyes widened. "F-fujino-san?! Shizuru?! Could you please adjust your skirt to a more modest position?!"

Shizuru made a face, and Setsuko could tell she was 'ara'-ing inside her head but wasn't quite sober enough to make the word come out. The secretary then spotted, with absolute alarm, a small cup of tea suspiciously placed on the end of the desk… just in Shizuru's reach.

Shizuru noted her secretary's mildly horrified-embarrassed-absolutely-adorable expression. It reminded her of someone…

Gathering whatever sobriety she had left, Shizuru cleared her throat. "Setsuko-san?"

The girl snapped into attention. "Y-yes Fujino-san?"

Shizuru crossed one leg sensually over the other and settled on her hands on the desk.

After an eerie 5 minute silence, Setsuko ventured a timid, "Yes?"

…

"Fancy a quicky?"

In retrospect, Shizuru honestly couldn't believe three simple words could provoke such a violent nasal reaction.

oooOOOooo

A/N: Enjoy it? Hope so!

I honestly have no idea where the flying fuck this came from. Hope you liked it! Tell me your thoughts pls? They're very much appreciated.

Anything more constructive than 'go die in a hole' will be looked at with much love and adoration etc. You'll also get muffins?

The next chapter will likely involve Nao as… LOL READ AND FIND OUT FUCKAZ –brick'd- for now, the chapters will be staying separate from each other (as in, you don't need to read one in order to be able to understand the events in the others/the chapters aren't connected etc). We'll see where it goes.


	2. Would you like fries with that?

A/N: Chapter 2! It starts off in first person, then goes on to third (stated just to save confusion)

oooOOOooo

This sucked.

No, really.

Like really, really sucked.

Like _uber _sucked.

Sucked like your mum.

…Okay, maybe that last one was unnecessary, but Jesus fuck – can you blame me?

"…Would you like fries with that?"

…It's not fucking funny. At. All.

"Uhhh, yah sure… Could I get the supersize? Or is that like, too expensive?"

Nao raised an eyebrow at the idiotic man before her. Although, the creature currently within her line of vision could not fit, quite literally, the simple description of 'man'. Let's analyse that.

'Man' would imply that said creature would be of the male gender. Perhaps this beast did indeed possess male genitals, but Nao really did not need, nor did she have any desire to, confirm this particular thought. She doubted the morbidly obese, sweaty, grotty sad excuse of a… _thing_, before her could even crane his neck down enough to check if he was in fact a 'he'. What ever organs had once lingered down below was certainly long forgotten to this particular specimen.

Holy shit, right? What the hell was she meant to do?

Indeed, why was she here in the first place?

Nao's eye started to tick dangerously when she noticed the customer's eyes straying a little too close to certain parts of her body.

Surely she wouldn't mind this attention, right?

Wrong. Oh so very, very, wrong.

Post carnival, Mai, Midori and Supernun (now with karate chop action!) got it into their heads to change Nao into some form of _Jesus_ – free of her previous sins, and happily reborn into society.

This particular retarded version of the nativity play did not involve donkeys, as much as Nao loved donkeys, but grease and fries! Her nifty toga type thing was exchanged for a shitty polo-shirt-come-bum-suit combo, which did little to flatter her figure. The golden gates of heaven were but arches of yellow – what does 'M' stand for, children?

…

"_Mutilation!"_ Nao screamed, stabbing a plastic fork into a customer and running away.

…In retrospect, she probably shouldn't have come in for work the next day.

oooOOOooo

A/N: I don't know. I really don't.

Overly short, yes, but I am just messing around here :P and omg Hoppy? Damn, I think I might've blagged the tea thing off of someone / (I thought I recognised it). I hope they don't mind? If they say anything, then I'll alter the story to fit :D

Next up: …I don't know ladies and gentlemen! Someone choose? Give them a job too, if you want.

If not, then I'll likely try to carry on Shizuru's arc, since people seem to like that :P (dude wtf. I said I'd keep them seperate. WHUTEVA. Gotta give the people what they want ;D)

Oh, and happy birthday Shizuru!!


End file.
